Resigning…not re-signing.

Remember how a couple posts ago I said I didn’t like change?  Yeah, I made a big change yesterday.

I resigned from my job.

Now before I go further, you need to know that I’m not the biggest fan of bloggers who put their dirty laundry out to dry.  Somethings are just so…personal.  But everyone has a different level of comfort, and this particular topic is getting out of my range of comfort of sharing.  (As my 2nd grade teacher Mrs. Janes said, “Not everything is appropriate for sharing time!”  Of course, she was referring to Tony G. sharing the details of a Nova special about how babies were made…)

Plus, I keep rewriting this, because I don’t want you to think of me as one of the emo blogger kids on the block.  (Let me know if I get that way, please.)

Have you ever been in a place where there is so much potential and so much that could go right, but instead the organization is stagnant?  Or even worse, moving backwards?  That’s kind of where I’m at right now.  I feel as though if in the last year a single member of the administration had come to me and asked “what can we do to help you be great at your job?  what do you need?  what concerns you?  as leaders…what can we do for you?” it would have been a great thing.  But it never happened.  I set up meetings.  I stood outside offices.  I tried to grasp attention that was split between me and many other things.  (The other things often winning, by the way.)

I wrote my annual review.  It was constructive, but no holds barred.  I laid out the facts and my concerns and perspective.  It was seven pages long.  Twelve weeks later, I realized it hadn’t been read.  So yesterday, I submitted my resignation.  The document would have been a red flag to any administrator who cared, or it would have at least made them so upset, I could have been fired or reprimanded.

My announcement made two of my close friends from another division cry.  My supervisor, shockingly, had tears in his eyes.  (He once told me that “we don’t hire people, we hire skills”.  So, clearly, he won’t miss me.  But who will update the website?!?!)  But four of my employees said the same thing, “You’re too good for this place, and you need to thrive.  You can’t thrive here.”

That makes me sad.

I am excited for my future.  I have a really cool gig lined up.  In this economy, I feel fortunate that I have the freedom to move out of an unhappy work situation.  I’ll tell you more about the new gig later.

But this week, I have a heavy heart.  People should be able to thrive…everyone can be great and everyone deserves a chance to be great.  I wish I had the energy to fight and try and strive to make an organization with so much potential be phenomenal.  But I can’t.  I did the best I could with the skills and tools I had. This time, the system got the best of me.  Old men, with old ideas, clinging to a very old business model beat the young Turk with her desire to innovate and unabashed eagerness.  Maybe someday I’ll look back and realize they were right. Oh HELL NO!

So, onto a bright future…it’s gonna be cool and amazing.  I already feel more alive just thinking about it.

But…just a tad sad for the past.  That’s all.  I think I’m gonna need a while longer.

And being a librarian, I’ll share a title: “the dip.  a little book that teaches you when to quit (and when to stick)” by Seth Godin.